Tough life on the Farm

I took today off.  I needed it to mentally recover from pushing myself too hard and not dealing with myself. I’m so glad I did!

I started with cleaning, then some more kitchen demo, then cleaning the yard.  Nothing worse than five months of dog crap on bare lawn after the snow melts.

Right now I’m taking a break from raking, enjoying the nearly 60° weather and admiring the view.  It’s days like today when I remember how truly blessed I am. Spring came at exactly the moment I needed it.  Here are a few pics of the tough life on the farm. Enjoy!



Now errands run, car cleaned and celebrating with my favorite beverage. Beer is better in the backyard anyways!



All about the dogs

When I was 16 years old, I told my mom I was getting a dog. She said no you’re not. And I being the type A personality that I am said, yes, yes I am. So together we went to look at Chocolate Labrador puppies and I picked out the runt. A Little Romantic Kosmo was his name and he grew into the most loving, stubborn, block headed dog I have ever known. Kosmo was my best friend, my co pilot, my reason to live. He gave a 16 year old responsibility and he turned me into the woman I am today. I had nearly 15 years with my wonderful Kosmo. And I think of him everyday.
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I never would have imagined all one dog could teach a person but having the responsibilities of a big dog shaped me more than college and a career ever could. So as I’m sipping my coffee on this cold sunny morning, I’m reminiscent of his memory. And I’m grateful for the two beautiful boys still in my life, Mr. Merlee Mayham and Mr. Kooper.

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Merlee bird always gets the worm.

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Koop de doop. He’s my troop!

IMG_5057This is such a cute picture of the three boys together. Kooper, my baby was 10 weeks old. Merlee was four and Kosmo almost 13.

When I think of where I started, all I overcame, there has always been one constant in my life, dogs. Well and family, but the dogs are here daily. They definitely give me purpose. They make me get out of bed. They make me come home at night. They make me smile when I am sad. They give kisses when I cry. Kooper loves to cuddle and Merlee will always play fetch.

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Kooper loves Kosmo’s rope. It is so cute to watch him drag it around like a blanket.
IMG_5054And Merlee with his purple monster. Always, always ready to play.

So the story today is life is really short though the days seem so long. I will continue to have ups and downs. And as long as I stick to my goals and do what my mind and heart can agree is right, I will be just fine.

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Back to my roots

I don’t need to apologize for being who I am. I’m not perfect and I have some serious flaws that I’m working on everyday. My writings are not for my readers to enjoy (I am glad that some of you do) but for a way for me to release my inner voice. It takes a lot for me to truly fall in love and I can honestly say I have loved many but I got my heart broken and bruised twice. The situations were so different, the men so different but the ending was exactly the same. Broke up in summer, my favorite time of year. Held on for six months afterwards only to be broken all over again.

It takes time to let go and thankfully both men gave me my time and now I’m ready. So now I get to truly focus on me and get back to my roots. I finally had my hair professionally colored.

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It’s hard to see but it has blond and red highlights.

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I’m understanding that I need myself to be happy. So after losing ten pounds from being ill (and heartbroken) I started yoga again. I want to be fit and nothing better than feeling good. Plus I want to get to the beach this summer and that means bikinis. That is motivation enough to get in gear and tone up this body of mine.

I am going to start seeds indoors. I love gardening. I love growing plants, so why not get back to my roots and grow some.

I have seeds from the Moon Flower my ex husband’s grandfather gave to us a few years ago. I am hoping they are still viable.

I also want to grow red Holly Hocks to go with the black ones I grew two years ago. Gardening is a wonderful hobby I enjoy, it is fairly inexpensive and I don’t have to leave my house to do it. Plus I’ll grow food for myself and my chickens. I’m so excited to garden again.

I want to have more time around a fire, around the house, enjoying some cold beers at home with friends and family. I live in such a great location to entertain and I’m going to start.

It may be the armpit of February but I see warmer, sunnier days on the horizon and I am so excited!

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Brave Ladies Club – Edition VII

When is Enough Enough

I have a confession to make, I’m horrible at following my own advice. I am also horrible at quitting and for the most part I think it is okay but I cannot keep holding someone else up without getting something in return. I have little words of advice as I need some myself but I reached my point where enough is enough.

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The future can’t start until I let go of the past. Thankfully my past was honest with me and told me to walk away. The truth hurts like fucking hell but I know there is nothing more I can do but to walk. I need to take care of myself.

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Brave ladies out there, you can’t learn from my mistakes. You will need to make your own. But trust that you too will get through the pain. You will be a better person from the lesson you just learned.

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Oh the tears I cried over this past. I hate quitting on amazing people. But I am an amazing person too. And I deserve to be treated with respect and honor.

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I’m going places. I have amazing things in store for this year and finally healing this heart of mine is goal number one.

Brave lady, I know it hurts, but recognize the enough is enough. You deserve to be treated better even if it is you loving yourself. Know your worth.

Remember, you too, are a Brave Lady

Special Edition of Brave Ladies Club
I won’t lie- this was a rough week for me.

Last Saturday started as the best day of the new year. I was laughing, playing and enjoying myself and the company I was with. Then who knows what happened. I also could tell I was finally getting sick. Sunday I was dead to the world, and Monday I was just dead.

Sometimes the strongest fall and I fell hard. Again. My weakness is love and it gets me every time. So Tuesday I needed to remind myself what a brave lady I am. So I started by writing on my white board, things I was thankful for.
Tuesday morning:

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Wednesday morning:

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Thursday morning:

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Friday morning:

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The moral of this story is that it is okay to fall. It is okay to be sick and feel incredibly weak and tired because I’m sick. But it is important to remember all the great things going on in life.

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I’m still sick, sinus infection from hell but I’m feeling well enough emotionally to realize that I’m still a brave lady even after a hot mess melt down. And the reason for the hot mess meltdown was legit but it is me that refuses to let go. I’m working on that. Will keep you posted on how that goes.

For now, be strong! Fake it if you have to. Process things as they come. Cry when you need to. Be alone with your emotions. But remember, this is temporary and you are still an amazing person with so many good things. The future still looks bright.

A Fictional Story- Ever After

A long long time ago, a beautiful, chubby little girl was born. She was raised in the beautiful woods, with running creeks and large fields. She was happy with the little things life had to offer but always knew something was missing.

This beautiful girl grew into a fair maiden who loved the world and shared her love with many. She did not see evil and she did not fear.

Then one day a knight in beat up, slightly rusted armor showed at her door and asked her hand to hold. Her trusting nature gave this noble man everything she had to offer. She never feared he hurt her for she trusted him so.

Well, as with all fairy tales, you’d expect a happy ending. They eloped to a white sand beach, got married and had three beautiful babies, twin boys and a daughter. But not this one for one day, this noble man slipped on his armor and retreated.

The fair maiden never gave up her love for him but he never was quite the same. They remained friendly but distant. Their love for each other ever so apparent but something was holding the knight back. The maiden stayed steady and calm but could not ask him to change. She knew in her heart, she’d never love someone the same.

Sometimes no matter how much you care, how big your heart is, only time can change someone. Not all stories are meant for ever after. Some are merely paths that were meant to be crossed to show you a new side of you. Some paths will cross again, as with the fair maiden and her noble knight. And some were just a lesson in the long road called life.

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And you wonder why I am single?

Saturday was shopping day for the farm. I love Fleet Farm and headed in knowing I needed a bunch of things.

I went to the back of the store for a flat cart and “no thank you I don’t need any help.” I stacked four 40# bags of feed, one 50# bag of oyster shells and a 50# bag of grit. Then I headed over to the large bales of bedding and got two.

I have been getting farm supplies on my own now for twelve months and am used to this routine. The only downfall is that I have a Chevy Cobalt. I always get funny looks at the checkout and then again in the parking lot. “No, thank you, I do not need any help.” I am tough and stubborn.

After stopping at three more places, I headed home. Now I needed to get these 8 bags from the car to the barn. Here are a few older and some newer photos to give you an idea of my walk to the barn. The barn is beyond the concrete block shed you see in most pics.

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The boys last year.

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Hens in the yard, 2013.

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Hens in the yard, 2014.

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The barn- 1/4 grain, 1/4 chick pen and 1/2 coop.

I started with the heaviest, grit then oyster shells. Then I took the huge bales of bedding. Those were the lightest but since they are so big, most awkward for me to carry. Then I took the bags of grain. Mind you, I have a bad left shoulder, so bad that on Wednesday I had to tape it and started crying when I tried turning the wheel of my car on the way home.

Friday my boss asked if surgery was an option for my shoulder. Of course it is. I need my bicep tendon repaired and rotator cuff cleaned up and repaired. I have a bone spur and a few back muscles that are out of whack from compensating. So yes, I’d love to get surgery but I’m single. And rotator cuff surgery is six month or more ordeal. The chickens cannot survive without water for a day and I need to get the food and water all the way down there. Thus surgery is not an option.

Some days like Saturday when my shoulder is beyond killing me again, I wish I had a man around to help out with chores. But I’m tough and stubborn and that in itself is intimidating. And you wonder why I am single!

Brave Ladies Club – Edition VII

Helping Each Other

I am always willing to lead a helping hand. I firmly believe that if I scratch your back, eventually you will scratch mine. If someone ask to cover hours at work, I’ll typically help out if I can. If I buy you a drink, I assume that eventually you will buy me one.

And sometimes helping someone out just means being there when they need a set of ears. I always try to actively listen to my friends and the situations that they found themselves in. I know that if I need them, they will be there for me too.

So when a good friend of mine had learned I have a stack of boxes in my attic, of course I offered them to her. Well, free things are not always free…

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If there was a bat in the box, there was a bat in my trunk and there are bats in my house!!!

But being a good friend means helping each other. It could be offering a couch or chair to sleep on, a warm meal or going to some lame concert you’d rather not go to. Some times it is writing blogs you know your friends would benefit from and some times it is being one hundred percent honest with your friends and letting them know that God helps those that help themselves and you need to help yourself.

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So help your friends out! Go out of your way if you must, you never know how one little step you take can make a huge difference on their day!

Thank you friends!
❤️nicole

Brave Ladies Club – Edition VI

Bestie Friends

As the days fly by and days turn to weeks, weeks into months and months slide into years, my definition of a friend has evolved. As has my friendships.

Today I want to take a moment to shout out to an amazing woman I met long before I considered her a friend. Like most of my friends, we worked together. Fourth floor has a way of bringing people together, usually over beers at the local watering hole.

My day in December 2013, she had shown up at a coworkers going away party. I thought “oh my goodness” I shouldn’t be socializing with all these non management people. But then I stopped caring. Not because I didn’t love my job, because I do, but because I wasn’t doing anything wrong. I am clearly of drinking age. I am always safe and never talked about work stuff everyone already didn’t know.

So, a few weeks later, we were out together again dancing our asses off. We got along great. We laughed, we practically cried. We were in similar situations. We could compare notes and encourage each other along our little milestones.

We tubed the Wolf River together. Did the Ice Bucket Challenge. We drunk our fair share of Tattoo Bombs. We played obnoxious music on certain people’s birthdays. We celebrated our divorces and our birthdays. I made us breakfast, bacon and coffee. We celebrated our love of football, the Badgers, the Packers, Buffalo Wild Wings and Apple Pie. We joked about my throat being threatened, men who clearly had too much of our amazingness. And we are always there for all the stories. Our love of memes and horoscopes is undeniable.

The last twelves months have been a blast and clearly God intended us to be besties! By far the only soulmate I need is my best friend!

So brave ladies, love your significant other. I hope he/she is your best friend but hold your true friends close.

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This is how we feel about marriage (that end in divorce!).

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My selfies are not the greatest, but we know how to have fun!

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Ladies night!!

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Being goofy!

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Hey hey- I wanted to be apart of the four eyes club, at least for the picture.

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Carving it up!

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️bacon bloodies! Yum!!

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Well I look good, NOT!

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Gladiators! Always a bad decision!!

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Her first Packers game! Hard to beat front row tickets for her first game!

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Anyone who makes out with my dogs is a keeper! 😬😬

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Love my present!!!

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Christmas dinner!

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Thank you brave lady! I’m proud of you! I’m inspired by you and I love you!
❤️nicole

The Importance of Sleep

I have had some lousy nights of sleep lately. I have this bad habit of being awake around 2:30am and not being able to fall back asleep. Some days, I sleep until 3:30 or 4:30 but just cannot fall back asleep.

Last night I headed to bed early, 9:00, just in case I was to be awaken and sure enough, 2:00am I was awake. I think I drifted into sleep around 3:45 but it wasn’t a deep sleep. Then I dreamed I tripped over a big albino Python and I was up, 5:55.

So why do some have troubles falling asleep and others troubles staying a sleep? I think it is the same answer for both, stress and worry. So what am I stressed or worried about you ask? Baah- same shit different day.

My biggest worry is money. I hold down the fort on one income. I have a lot riding on my income. Bills, shelter, food. Sure I could get rid of the hens and just have the naughty dogs but this is my dream, as long as I can afford it I will keep striving towards it.

Another worry is time. Do I have enough time to do everything I want? I am single, 32 and I would like to have one human child before I turn 35. That thought alone is stressing me out. I need to just let things evolve naturally as God intends but for being a patient person, I like to have security.

I think that is it. I try not to worry about things I cannot control. I try to remind myself I can only control my own actions and hope that others have the best intentions. I can only love with my whole heart and hope to be loved in return. I can lay my head on the pillow but I can only barely sleep.

Now there are lots of people out there that are not getting enough sleep. Some have small children to tend to, some have sick spouses or are sickly themselves. Some are just sick with worry. And some of us just don’t sleep well alone.

I sleep great when I take NyQuil, but who wants to take that everyday? Not me. I thought I was doing ok taking Melotonin but I will wake and cannot fall back asleep. Some say exercise will cause one to sleep better, but I’m not big on exercise.

What are your tricks to better sleep? I choose quality or quantity.

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